Worship as a Journey: Shaken Foundation

Hey friend, whether you were in the middle of a storm or had a week of sunshine, I know God is working out many things for you. Keep on holding on to Him and clinging to His words. 

In this week’s entry, I will share some things from the bitter part of my journey, leaving the Church, which eventually turned into leaving God. I have said and will continue to say that God snatched me right back, and I am grateful for His love. If it had not been for His love and patience, I don’t know where I would be now. 

The Reality

Every time I left the church, it had nothing to do with God or the people in the church. My leaving had everything to do with my perception of others and my expectation of those who call themselves Christians, mixed with my inability to see them as flawed and my inability to recognise that those around me should not impact my walk with God. 

Sixteen and Out

The home I was raised in, my sister and I were never forced to attend church. I got to the age where I didn’t want to attend church, and there was no fuss. Mum would ask if I’d attend church on Friday, and sometimes I decided in the morning. Would I say my parents should have forced me to attend church? Absolutely not. I don’t know if mum ever feels that she should have been firmer about my attendance to church, but I think I would have potentially been in a worse position with how I viewed Church and even God had there been that pressure to attend. 

One thing about staying home on a Sabbath while in Secondary School is that my dad, though he isn’t a Sabbath keeper, was sure to let my sister and me know that we couldn’t leave the house if we weren’t going to church. My sister is 6 years younger than I, so my actions influenced her. At that time in my life, I had no clue that she was picking up habits from my actions. Therefore, the cycle I got into, where I would skip church, rubbed off on her. I can’t recall at what age she would stop attending, but as for myself, I was about 15 or 16, and at that time, my cushion was, I’m revising. 

Honestly, I don’t have much to say about this first period other than it didn’t last long. I went to church when I was ready and stayed home whenever I wanted. It was as simple as that. What happened those weeks, though? Remember the proverb: The devil makes work for idle hands? It’s an absolute fact! I got more involved in youth work for the borough I was living in, or I would stay home and watch TV; the main show was Charmed. Week after week, I would watch Charmed, to the point where I started to dream that I was one of the sisters. That’s when I realised I needed to cut back on watching it; my dream is my space, which should never be a space for a TV show.  

How are You a Christian and Telling Lies?

This one! A church sister ruffled my feathers and I was VEX! I cannot remember the full scope, but I know I was VEX. This was the first time my mum saw me angry and I found it difficult to calm down even as she tried to tell me to relax. I believe something happened between my sister and another child and the parent of the child didn’t handle the situation properly and told a lie about my sister. I was nowhere near impressed. I was enraged and that situation turned me off church. 

To me, how could church be a place where there are people who could so brazenly tell lies? That’s all it took for me to decide against church. I can’t tell you there was more to this, and this is where my regular attendance to church trickled. Honestly can’t remember how old I was when this happened, but I feel it’s possibly round about 16 or so. 

What I’ve Learnt

Having your own relationship with God is the most important thing. If I had my relationship with God secure, I would have found it easier to stay in church. I currently hold on to the saying, my saying, people do people things, and though people still irritate me, that irritation doesn’t lead me to contemplating leaving the church. 

Additionally, not every Christian lives by the Word. Some just hold the title, but their heart posture is far away from God. Others are struggling and are while God is working on them, we are only able to see them from the mistakes they make.