Worship as a Journey: Introduced to Spiritual Connection

I grew up in a church where people spoke in tongues, and some would be in the spirit. If memory serves me right, I’ve witnessed my mother being moved to tears while not knowing what I should do. Church as I knew it was vibrant, with the songs being a mixture of hymns, choruses and prayer refrains. Lesson studies were great, and a time was had. 

And into the Water I Went

My Baptism: 11th of June 2011.

My mum has told me about that time, as a child, I told my pastor that I wanted to get baptised. I don’t know how old I was, I just know I was young, and this was before I hit 11. As you may have guessed, baptism didn’t happen then; it happened when I was 21 years old. Over the years, I have witnessed many baptisms, some of which included some of my friends, and I think my heart wanted to venture into the baptismal pool also. However, as I said, baptism didn’t happen until I was 21 years old. Should I have been baptised before the age of 11? Or maybe at 14? Or perhaps even 17 years old? I’ll boldly say, I got baptised at the correct age. Honestly, with my leaving, I probably should have been baptised later. Nevertheless, it’s a journey, and I am exceedingly happy that it is a journey and not a race; I would have bowed out if this were the case, because I was never an athlete. 

What’s my reason behind saying 21 years old was the right age for me to have been baptised? Well, it simply had to do with my relationship with God. Growing up, I had an idea that I wouldn’t die until I completed the task that God had for me as an individual. However, I didn’t have a relationship with God, so I didn’t even understand what worship meant. Though I grew up in the church, particularly the one I described, I couldn’t tell you that I understood worship for myself, even though I saw my mum being moved when she worshipped. I can’t even blame anyone for my lack of understanding, all because getting to that point requires getting to a space with God, where, as an individual, you are willing to surrender to God. Worship is something I had to learn for myself. It’s also a lifestyle that I’m still getting accustomed to, and with each new lesson, my jaw drops, my heart leaps, and I find myself bursting to share it with anyone or everyone. 

When I finally decided to get baptised, my dad asked ‘why’, and I thought my answer was that I might as well. I was thinking about baptism as something which I should do because I wasn’t ‘doing anything wrong’, far from what baptism should be about. Where I am now, I can tell you that answer is no longer enough. I believe it should have been along the lines of, I don’t want to be left behind. Or, that night I was struggling to breathe and heard a voice tell me to keel over, it could only have been God from whom I got the strength and energy to make it downstairs, and of the block of flats I lived in, to wait for my friend who then called the ambulance. I also could have said, I was very well protected by Him those nights I was foolish, heading out to raves, living a lifestyle I was not raised in, where fights broke out. But none of those made me consider God, and why was that? Head knowledge over heart knowledge. Head knowledge was my simple answer. Heart knowledge includes a relationship that gives a more detailed response, and friend, I am sure you are aware that relationships don’t just happen overnight. They require work. 

One thing I like about this relationship is that God has a bigger heart than man. He loves unconditionally and forgives when I mess up. This is not to say that I do this on purpose, but things happen, and feet slipped on some rocks. But here we are, your girl doesn’t stay down. That definitely had nothing to do with self though. His strength was made perfect in my weakness, something he said to Paul (2 Corinthians 12:9), and He still stands by those words to us today. 

True Introduction to Worship

My introduction to worshipping God for myself was within my second year of uni. My first year was literally ALL about me, and my return to church was due to my health. This was when I heard that voice telling me to keel over, I want to say that it was my asthma which caused the issue, but at that point it was undiagnosed. Quick side story: Friday night, I went to an event with a friend where her dance students performed. I got back to dorms and my chest didn’t feel great, I can’t remember if I rang her first or if I rang mum. Either way, I know I contacted her and went downstairs, out the doors, and walked an extra 2 minutes to meet her. The ambulance came afterwards, and got back to normal breathing, got the all clear, didn’t go to the hospital, and that’s when mum told me that I would come to church on Sabbaths because there was a church sister who lived up that side and she travelled to London for church. 

Prior to starting university, in between completing exams and starting university, I had already decided, in my heart, that I was never going to be in church. It’s not that I was forced to attend while living at home, but rebellion against God said hi. 

Year two in university started with me sharing a house with a Christian, and something happened that I never would have expected: I got very involved in Christian activities. My housemate was a film student, and along with her passion for Christ, she had an idea to put on a show. I supported her on this journey; we held auditions and rehearsals. I somehow got involved in the choir and co-hosted the first show. 

Meeting the choir director meant I attended rehearsals, not so much as a visitor, but I was singing and playing the keyboard. Through my housemate and choir director, I met some incredible individuals. Most importantly, I met God for myself through worship because I was in a space where we moved from simply rehearsing to worshipping God. That evening, we had been in one of the lecture rooms, and there was a shift in the atmosphere, leading to us all finding our own individual spaces and pouring out our hearts to God. 

During this time, I attended Christian Union meetings and Friday night worship sessions, played keyboard at a Sunday church several times, practised with the group quite often, and started teaching piano. However, though I was doing all of that, my spiritual growth was neglected. It almost doesn’t make sense to say there was neglect here, though I was so involved. I also took baptismal classes in 2011 before being baptised in June of that year, and I started to attend Friday evening sessions with some friends at the SDA close to campus. 

So, here we are. I’m heavily involved in a lot of spiritual things, working towards baptism, and having an experience of what worshipping God was like, but it wasn’t enough. I was yet to learn that a relationship with God was needed. I was yet to learn that worship isn’t something reserved for music. I was yet to learn that without those two components, I would allow people to interfere with my journey. Without those two components, I could not be rooted and grounded in God. 

Honestly, there is so much more to say. However, your eyes have been glued to your screen long enough, so I’ll be kind and leave part 2 for another day. Thank you for taking the time to read this entry. May God continue to bless and keep you. I pray that you can search yourself, think about your worship journey, and offer God the pieces of your puzzle where He is missing, so He may fill that gap. 

Scripture for today: Psalms 139:23 - 24 (KJV) “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”