Spiritual Abuse: Does it Make You Uncomfortable?

"...are we able to recognise spiritual abuse when it is being flaunted in front of us within our churches? "

The word of God should not be used to manipulate or control anyone.

What stirred this up? Why am I writing this? A documentary. The reason I won't name the documentary is simply because I know the case is ongoing and how I feel may not be a true representation of the individual.

What do I feel? Every sermon that was snipped made me feel uncomfortable. It felt as though this individual stood at the pulpit to manipulate not only the members of the congregation, but his wife also.

There were numerous clips of him preaching on sex, the wife's role in the marriage. He stated that wives must always be willing to have sex with their husbands because if they do not, he will be getting it elsewhere. To hear someone use the pulpit, God's Holy Ground, to repeatedly state this, made me feel sick, and had me view him as a spiritual manipulator. I wondered if no-one felt unsettled enough to check in with his wife. It was stated in the documentary that she was pressured to have sex with him multiple times a day and could not sleep until he was satisfied. Additionally, it was shared that she was taking hormones in order to keep up with him.

So, it's had me thinking about this, are we able to recognise spiritual abuse when it is being flaunted in front of us within our churches? We know about church hurt, but I think we speak about it from the perspective of the individual who has gone through it and the aftermath. Additionally, I think we also hear the side of forgiveness and the encouragement that individuals should return to church because it's about God and not people.

But, are we able to recognise when an individual is abusing and asserting their authority a little too much? Is it being masqueraded as spiritual truth because individuals need to be kept in line? Are individuals going to the pulpit to preachingly point fingers at others, to make them feel as though they are sinning terribly? Are we sitting back and allowing others to throw their weight around because they are ministerial leaders, elders, or pastors?

Does it make you uncomfortable enough to speak out against the tomfoolery? Would you even know what to do? I can give you the Biblical way to deal with it and this is from Matthew 18:15-17 (NKJV):

'“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.   But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’   And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.'

We at times sit in the discomfort and do not cry out about it because we have become accustomed to it, or we are afraid that others will turn on us. But where love is concerned, how can we be fearful of what other's think? We need to be like babies, babies do not like to be left in their dirty nappy for too long, and will cry their heads off to be changed. It may not be all babies, but I know my nephew doesn't like it, and from my reading, it's a general thing.

Spiritual abuse, once you get a whiff of it, should be dealt with appropriately. I believe we fail members who have been abused spiritually when we sit back and say nothing. When we allow individuals to continuously stand at the front of our churches and use the Bible to back their wrongs, yet we do nothing about it, we fail our brothers and sisters. We fail those who are being abusive and we fail those who are being abused.

It's also time we stop using the saying 'the church is like a hospital' as a cover. I feel that this is one of those blankets used to absorb the accountability that should be present. It isn't good enough for us to say "the church is like a hospital" and leave it there. If the nurses and doctors in the hospital are unwell, don't they get in workers, even if it is a bank staff to cover the shift so they too can recoup? So, as that's the case, the sick people in our congregations who need to have their time with God for Him to cleanse them, to wash them, to work in their lives, they need to step down and do just that, whilst someone else steps up into that position, until they are spiritually healed to return.